Confounded Unpacking Woes

In mid-August, we moved into a house. The house is absolutely wonderful, though so much more work than an apartment. We're in a suburb that is reminiscent of the one I grew up in. It's quiet and safe; everything I could wish for after living downtown during a drug epidemic. 

All my EGL is going into a spare room, but this room also needs to take the role of a guest bedroom. Hence, I can't let EGL envelope the entire space. I still haven't worn EGL a single time since my last post in June. Since unpacking is a bit tough because of the space restriction it seems like a perfect time to do a purge. But I have this motto to not getting rid of anything off-season. The number of times I've gotten rid of an item of clothing meant for Autumn in Spring and then when Autumn comes round I realize I've made a mistake is a testament to this. In this case, I'm not talking about seasons of the year but seasons of life. While I've been pregnant, I haven't had the passion or desire to wear EGL. Mostly due to feeling too ill. But I foresee this feeling disappearing once I am no longer pregnant and feeling better.

So, when I think about it like this, I shouldn't sell anything at this time unless I was already considering doing so beforehand. What about the space issue? Our house has a large storage room. The solution is to put some things into storage. 

I've been filming a few clips here and there as I am unpacking. So maybe I will make a short video if I get enough content. 

Also, I did buy one new thing recently:

It's the Happy Treat Star Necklace from Angelic Pretty. A friend of mine was selling it and I thought it will go really nicely with the Dreamy Stage OP:

Well, I don't suppose I'll be wearing EGL any time soon still. A friend recommended I should have a get together with people from my comm before the baby comes but I doubt I have the energy or time. My current goal is to at the very least get everything unpacked and put away (not necessarily neatly).

Busy busy

 As the title says, I've been busy busy.

But I want to talk about something else.

**TRIGGER WARNING: SA**

Goodbye to my hair, hello to pining over dresses yet again and will I ever stop obsessing over cooking?

March flew by really fast. I was pretty busy the whole time but I can't exactly remember much of what went on. My last post was the only time I wore lolita in March. Surprising!

I didn't get a chance to make the headdress to match Doll's Tea Party yet. I am unsure of when I will have enough free time to do it.

Recently, I decided that I want to be less interested in cooking to have more free time but so far I have failed. T__T 

I also cut off all my hair finally. I feel a lot better about my appearance now. This means I had to break out the wigs I've kept stored away for so long in order to wear lolita (in a way that makes me happy with how I look. I am not saying one needs long hair to wear lolita, I am just super critical of myself). 

Here's my trying out a wig for the first time in a few years.

Does it obviously look like a wig? Does it matter when it comes to lolita anyway?  XD

This FINALLY gave me the push to trim the bangs on the other two of my wigs. I think I did a much better job than my attempt with my pink wig years ago. I will probably try to fix the bangs on that pink wig, if possible. Additionally, I hope to get a wig closer to my natural hair colour.

In other news, the most recent Baby, the Stars Shine Bright Release is killing me because I told myself I'd buy no more lolita this year. But... LOOK !!

Scallop hem tartan check jumper skirt set

I feel like that crying trollface meme. Or the Spongebob "I don't need it" meme. An almost-the-same dress in a different colourway is currently sitting my closet. I just love the way it looks though!!

Last week, I revisited the idea of potentially selling off some of my wardrobe, but confirmed once again that I love everything I have. 

Along the lines of cutting off my hair, I am also working on building muscle in my upper body to help with the dysmorphia. This means I need to eat a lot more protein, which is probably why I've failed to banish thoughts of cooking and recipes from my mind. And to take it one step further in the hypocrisy I might be creating some recipe blog posts. Originally I was putting recipes on a separate page but I have never been totally pleased with that format so I am going to start adding them as regular posts. 

Kind of concerned about dresses no longer being able to fit my arms but IG will cross that road when I get there.

Bye for now~

Leaving Instagram

I've decided to mostly leave Instagram.

Originally, I'd just removed the app from my phone because I felt it was wasting my time.

Now I realize, I'm not interested in continuing to use the platform except to maybe watch the reels posted by Angelic Pretty Paris, posts by big brands and maybe a few friends. 

Last night, I went onto Instagram and saw a post by an indie brand doing PR damage control. I read the comments to try and get some more information because I was a bit confused after reading the post. 

I'm disappointed by what I saw. 

There are a lot of different things to say and think about and it is difficult to get them into a cohesive format. 

What I saw last night is a repeating expression of this culture that has developed. 

And of all the things I can think to say about this culture it's that it is phony. 

A significant element of who I am is that I have a massive distaste for inauthenticity. 

It makes sense that this kind of culture would develop on a platform such as Instagram. And I'm also certain that there are people who really enjoy this culture.

But I need to be real with myself. When I experience those things online, they affect me in my real life. They can affect me for a long time. They do not put me into a place where I can do positive work. 

I am sad about it, because I like to look at photos of lolita fashion. It's like a continually updated version of the streetsnaps. But it's also like opening up a colouring book in order to relax and never knowing if the next page is going to have something really upsetting on it. 

Maybe that's the crux of the problem. I am going there to relax away from the world but for other people it's intrinsically linked with the world.  

I'm not sure when I'll start making the changes to my account there. I will probably turn it private and then start unfollowing accounts. It feels kind of scary because I don't want to hurt anybody. But I also need to protect myself. 

There's just such a lack of compassion. It makes me scared of the future. 

Reflections after Ten Years in Lolita Fashion

As I mentioned in a previous post, I received an enormous package of secondhand lolita items last month. It may have been the most I've ever spent on lolita in a single order. 

A lot of things needed to be laundered and due to health issues it took a while to finally get them all washed. Now the pieces are all scattered everywhere (read: put away in their places) so it's a bit inconvenient to take a haul photo at this point, especially because health issues are yet to be resolved.

There's also this matter of not wanting to encourage consumerism, as I also wrote about previously.

Anyway, I can't stand to not make some kind of record about it!

So... Now that I have been wearing the things from that haul, I am struck by a thought that it feels like this collection of items really represents my core values in lolita fashion. I've struggled a lot in the past with trying to define my lolita style, wanting that cohesive wardrobe but loving too many different things. My 10 year anniversary of wearing lolita fashion is fast approaching. I'm feeling nostalgic. Here's what I've learned:

I love old Innocent World. It is the quintessential lolita style. Without a doubt, that is because it was the first brand I ever saw, circa 2009.

Innocent World's Dot Stripe JSK, the first lolita dress I ever saw.

When it comes to Angelic Pretty, I prefer their lavender line and Kira Imai prints the most. I'm surprised to realize that I prefer muted pastels. Does this mean I will get rid of my 2010 era AP? No, definitely not. There's another type of nostalgia there (but I am not writing about that right now).

My current predominant style is best described as sweet-classic or classic-sweet. I'm not sure which one is more commonly used or if they are considered to have different meanings. 

I would also describe my style as casual. I prefer things that are simple or more plain, easy to wear and comfortable.

At this time, I'm confident in saying that Innocent World is my favourite brand. Their older pieces revives the flame that my first encounter with lolita sparked. 

Here's a collection of stock images of my haul. Some items, I couldn't locate on Lolibary.

I still have the original photos that started it all for me, but they were saved off of someone's personal LiveJournal so I wont be sharing them here. I can describe one of them though. It's a low quality photograph of a girl wearing the Dot Strike JSK in lavender, with no blouse, no socks or shoes. She's taking the photo in a mirror with a digital camera. Behind the mirror you can catch a glimpse of her closet, there's a white petticoat, a couple of blouses and a pink BTSSB skirt, it looks like the 2006 release of Scallop Hem Skirt. She's standing on a forest green Persian rug, the floor is wooden parquet. There's a bunch of beaded necklaces hanging off of one side of the mirror. In the background on the wall is what looks like oil pastel drawings of samurai. The lighting is warm. 

The aesthetic reminds me of Neco z Alenky, another huge inspiration of mine.

I am thinking about wearing a coordinate soon of my very first lolita dress, the one that I received for Christmas in 2011. 

Here's a photo of what I am wearing today. It's the Bustle Flare JSK from the haul. It's the shortest dress I own, it cannot fit a regular petticoat and I love it. I wanted to buy this dress for months and months and I'm so happy I finally did it!!

I ALSO have to point out that I bought a black colourway of Doll's Tea Party. Black is making a comeback in my wardrobe, it's going to happen. I really am considering buying a few more black pieces. My closet is pretty full, but I love everything in it and also bought new hangers sooooo~

Moving and Consequences

I moved to a new city!

I've only been here for a few days, but so far the area I am in seems super nice (which, it really ought to be considering my location).

All my lolita paraphernalia is packed away still. My mom is coming in a few days and she will help me unpack and organize. 

Unfortunately, this city is WAY more expensive than where I previously lived. It's likely I won't have nearly as much disposable income. It's a good thing that my wardrobe is already substantial and I still have many craft supplies to create things for myself. 

I am now in a city with what appears to be an active lolita community, which is very cool. I hope I can make some friends through the fashion. Does this mean I will wear lolita more frequently? My mind goes from wearing lolita more frequently to perhaps needing to buy more things to the whole lack of money situation. Realistically, I don't think I do need to buy anything new. It would be a fun challenge to see how many unique coordinates I can come up with with the things I already own. Do you think I could come up with a years worth of coordinates? I have somewhere around 35 main pieces right now, including skirts. It could be possible (really? that's like 10 unique coordinates per main piece). I am definitely pro wearing the same coordinate multiple times. But, part of the fun is creating new coordinates... maybe I should try it.

How my Buying Habits are Changing with Age of my Wardrobe

Here is an observation I had recently: I've bought all my highly desired dresses. You can look on my wishlist and see there are still dresses on there, but I'm not actively seeking any of them at this time. [Some of those dresses I already own the print of, but not the colourway I wanted] I have actually seen Doll's Tea Party come up for sale a few times, but didn't buy it. Besides not being a high priority item, the material is a problem. Chiffon runs the risk of ... runs. Similarly, Charlotte's Bear is polyester and I really don't like the feeling of cheap polyester. I don't know if that is the case with that print, but I don't want to spend hundreds of dollars finding out.

Currently, I am building up my collection of tops. Blouses and cutsews mostly. What happened to wanting a minimal wardrobe? I'd still love one, but I don't think it's a realistic goal especially considering I am invested into two substyles (sweet and classic). (Three if you count old school.) I can use blouses to maximize my current wardrobe. 

Mail is absolutely slow. Who knows when my recent orders from Japan will arrive? They've been sitting at a status of "processed" in Tokyo for over two weeks. I was thinking about making a video showing what is supposed to be coming in the mail instead of an actual haul (as a sort of joke).  

Once I am finished acquiring all the tops that I feel I need, I wonder what I will move onto next. Accessories maybe? 

A side note of something a bit concerning, the arms seem a bit tight on some of my clothes. I have been working out but my arms don't seem any bigger to me. Even the chest on my Marshmallow Bunny jumperskirt felt a bit tight. Scary things. 

I Have Not Felt Like Interacting Online

I haven't posted in a while.
I haven't posted on Instagram much lately either.

I had a rough week or two.
This other weird thing happened. I didn't like many coordinates I saw posted by others. Nothing was inspiring me. Maybe it was just because I was in a funk.


Or maybe I'm looking for something very specific in the fashion now?
Is it authenticity? I don't know how to describe it. A certain coordinate, gives me a certain feeling.
I'm not sure I ever get that feel about my own coordinates, even.

A very simple coordinate I wore last week. 

What else. I have a package with Japonica. I'm a fool and asked them to buy one more thing for me. Restrictions on shipping inclines me to expect they wont be able to ship it. T_T Maybe people will think I should not be complaining because there are people dying. I'm not especially complaining, more like lamenting over my choices. We each in life experience our own troubles.

****

Hopefully, I can start to wear lolita fashion a bit more again. I want to wear it tomorrow, but we are supposed to go for a walk in the afternoon. Ideally, I would wear lolita on the walk. This is exactly my perfect vision of the fashion. Myself in the forest or a field. Footwear presents a problem, of course. I want to be okay with ruining my clothes.

I did a flat lay of a coordinate idea last night. At least "the gears are turning".

****

Also, unrelated but I have been exercising and stretching every day and I'm way more bendy than I used to be! (which was actually already quite bendy) I can place my palms firmly on the ground in a forward fold. My feet are able to lay flat on the ground in a downward dog pose. 

Melancholy

Technically, I could afford to buy any lolita dress or item that I want. So why do I agonize over things I want but refuse to buy them?

I went through a period of my life of having little to no income and no savings. It forever left an impression on me. Now, I compulsively save a high percentage of my income even though my future (and current) prospects are positive.

Recently, the Milky-Chan the Fawn Bag came up for auction. It went for 501 AUD. That's around 450 CAD.

This morning an auction for the Whimsical Vanilla-Chan ring and necklace ended at almost 300 CAD on Yahoo! Auctions Japan.

I 100% could have afforded to win both of these auctions, but I can't bring myself to spend this amount. I feel I can't justify it, but then here I am moping around. Both these auctions started at reasonable prices, so this situation isn't the result of scalpers. What something is worth depends on what people are willing to pay for it. So where does that leave me? Melancholic with all this money that doesn't bring me happiness (because it would never be enough), apparently. It's ridiculous.

Something I've been thinking about is how Honey Cake was re-released but such releases as Vanilla-Chan and Milky-Chan have not been re-released. Would there be an interest in a re-release? Milky-Chan and Vanilla-Chan dresses go up for sale frequently, but they're often not in great condition due to their age and I expect their prices reflect this. Milky-Chan jewelry doesn't perform above average in terms of price, it's generally at what you'd expect for most AP second hand jewelry that's not from a highly sought after release (there are outliers).
When it comes to Vanilla-Chan, it's a bit more difficult. LaceMarket only has history of two listings for the Vanilla-Chan ring, and two for the bracelet. Again, they are listed at comparable prices to Milky-Chan. I own the Vanilla-Chan bracelet which I believe I paid 100 USD for, which I would argue as being slightly expensive compared to non-sought after pieces. It seems Vanilla-Chan jewelry is significantly rare, even though it was released a year after Milky-Chan (which goes up for sale very frequently). Those listings I mentioned above are from 2016 and 2015. Could it be that the Vanilla-Chan jewelry is less frequently up for sale because it's more versatile than Milky-Chan? Think of all the prints with white cats on them.
As for the Milky-Chan bag there seems to be some variation in listing prices, but I would say the overall trend is for an increase in price.
When I see prices like these, I think about the possibility of a MTO/re-release.

Trying to be Creative Again

I've been quite busy, but hopefully things are slowing down now. I have finished all my applications! I hope they are all well received. 🙏

I am attempting to try and get back to being creative. I started a secondary Instagram a while ago but I haven't started to really focus on it until recently. I enjoy photography, but it is quite difficult having myself as the model. 😖 I also made a third Instagram account actually! The name is a joke/play on the name of my secondary account. Not sure what I will do with this new account yet. It's set to private for now.

I'm also trying to work on my book. Trying to write an epic is difficult ^^' Right now, I am just focusing on backstory/lore as well as formatting the story arc. Also drawing the characters. I would like to also do some background/landscape drawings as well. 

To be honest, its a real struggle to become creative again. I spent so much time focused on school that I didn't have much time for hobbies. 

I also finally bought the Yolanda Berry River JSK!

I would love to find the head scarf that goes with this. 

I am also thinking about selling or trading my Milky-Chan OP. I just don't really like the way it fits on me? Which is odd because I had it in black before and it looked totally fine. If I could trade it, I'd like to get the Ribbon JSK. However! Every time I look at the dress, I feel like I just don't want to part with it :/

Ponders and Pictures

Pondering about my style right now. It seems I am evolving more towards classic-sweet and away from sweet. It's difficult because I value my old Angelic Pretty prints (Milky-Chan, Vanilla-Chan, etc), but maybe I should let some of them go? On the other hand, I am really wishy-washy when it comes to just about anything. I might just as soon go back to loving sweet next week. 

Some other random thoughts:

• I want to sell things, but I have a hard time letting go, even things I have never worn or haven't worn in years.
• I think I have way too many things in baby pink. I find it hard to wear something that has too much solid vibrant pink on it.
• Sweet classic seems easier to wear and more true to my heart.

I want to get more brooches. I think they just add something more to a coordinate. I have had this brooch for a really long time and I think it goes quite well with this print. Also, it seems a lot larger in real life?

I finally finished the headdress I wanted to make for Whimsical Vanilla-Chan. I actually started all over again and took everything apart. I had stopped making this headdress/head bow when I finally acquired the matching head bow to the dress. However, the matching head bow is WAY too big for my tiny head. It looks ridiculous. Upon inspection, I realized that the one I was originally making was also way too big. For the revised plan, I drew inspiration from the head bows of IW's Delft Lotta and AP's Wonder Memories. I'm still undecided about sticking a clip on the back of this or putting a plain headband through it.

This OP is The Tamers by Smoothy. I've never heard of this brand before, I am really uneducated on Chinese brands. I'm super tempted to pre-order this dress. It was actually an Instagram advert from DevilInspired that showed (showed... is that even a proper word?) this to me. I guess ads really do work sometimes ^^;
Why do I like long-sleeved OPs so much?

Hats. Let's Get Some Hats.

I recently watched the original Mary Poppins film and was inspired by the hats that Jane has in the movie.

Can we just take a moment to appreciate Jane's hats?

I'm wondering why the majority of straw hats in lolita fashion are similar to boater hats and not rounded like the hat with the blue ribbon in the bottom right corner of the image above?

I don't really like mini hats. I used to like them a lot when I was younger. What happened?

Anyway, Jane's hats give me inspo to get myself some more hats. Ones that I am currently in love with:

Charlotte Ribbon Straw Hat

Rosy Ribbon Beret

In other news, Amino now has ads. I don't know if I'm going to be using it anymore... Probably, I need some time to get over the disappointment. I hardly ever use Tumblr now because of the ads though, so maybe I wont get over it. :(
If there was an option to pay some amount to have no ads, I would consider it. (This goes for Amino and Tumblr)