Busy busy

 As the title says, I've been busy busy.

But I want to talk about something else.

**TRIGGER WARNING: SA**

A garbage thing happened on Instagram. I asked not to be dragged into drama. Someone attacked me over it. They told me I do not deserve a safe space because someone I follow on Instagram might be fostering a culture of CSA. I am a victim of CSA. I can't believe someone who actually cares about this cause would be so disrespectful to an actual victim. Maybe they are just a person that gets a thrill out of feeling like a moral victor.

It reminds me how during my undergrad, there were posters all over the place about things you can do to prevent SA.  Every time I saw those posters, I remembered some of the awful things that happened to me. I was just trying to go about my day. I wish there were a way to educate people but also protect people like me.

It feels like potential victims matter more than the actual victims, sometimes.

Anyway, this has really made me lose my passion for lolita fashion. I feel really hurt. In a way, I am letting that person win. Their username was something along the lines of gtfo of lolita. (I actually don't know if it was this user that attacked me online because it was done with a burner account. But this "gtfo" user and I had an exchange through dm's and their behaviour was very insensitive.)

After two separate incidents with two other lolitas I was friends with, it took so long for me to start being involved in the lolita community on Instagram again. Even when I think about those two people, I feel so terribly sad. Either I have no way to reach them, or I am too ashamed to reach out. And I am sorry for it. I hope they are okay.

I don't know if I will go back to using Instagram regularly. I tried to make a few more posts after the most recent incident, but I'm just not happy. Instagram does not feel safe.

Other things in my life have been chaotic. Everything is fine though1 I got through all the rocky parts and overcame some serious hurdles! (There is still more to come.)

My blog feels like a safe space though. So maybe I can work towards wearing lolita again and primarily posting on here? That was the flow of things earlier this year. I would also like to update the look of this blog. Maybe I can try to do that one day. I need to get inspired first though.